As far as reality TV insults go, Lauren Dunn describing her co-star Married at First Sight (MAFS) contestant Jack Dunkley, 34, like a 'glazed ham' will hold out for a while.
But as MAFS ends in the UK tonight with the couples' final decisions about staying together, personal trainer Jack, who has been matched with Tori Adams, 27, is, in my opinion, just the latest example of toxic male behavior in the UK. reality. television.
Jack showed his true colors at the start of the show, telling Jonathan McCullogh to 'gag your woman' in reference to Jono's wife Lauren Dunn.
Watching Jack, like watching countless other peacock men on our screens over the years, is a grim sight. But I believe it is essential.
If these men didn't appear on reality shows like Love Island and Married at First Sight (MAFS), then it wouldn't be reality: it would be a glossy version of the kind of men women have to put up with over time and time. again in the real world.
By putting these men and their appalling behavior on public display, reality television has the power to start real conversations around troubled men and how to spot them.
So it was crucial to watch Tori, who entered the experiment as a self-proclaimed strong, independent woman and came out admitting that she's giving “codependent” vibes to the man I've labeled this season's weasel.
Many of us in the 'real world' will have friends like Tori who can't seem to see the truth about their partner – in Jack's case, the warning signs of him continually describing himself as an 'alpha' and talking about how much he likes submissive women.
It seemed like he could do or say anything and she would look the other way, representing his ideal of a good and loyal wife.
Even earlier in the season, when it was leaked that he had an outside girlfriend he broke up with to go on the show, Tori justified it and stayed with Jack, while he casually painted his ex-girlfriend as a “disgruntled ex.” '. Hello sexism, my old friend.
“She showed me her loyalty,” Jack told cameras in last night's episode, which ended with the cliffhanger over whether they would decide to be together in real life, outside of the televised experiment.
He went on to express concern that Tori was becoming “a little more insecure” and “needy” – which he labeled as sweet. What's it like to see her partner feel insecure in their relationship, exactly? Surely that would be distressing?
Well, spoiler alert: they're still together. Although Tori says she is pleased and expressed in the final vows – already broadcast in Australia and arriving later tonight in the UK – that he is her 'equal' and 'soulmate', I can't help but worry that she is with a toxic rot.
The thing is: we can all see it, even if Tori can't. Just like we got to see idiot Harrison Boon last season, who made lovely wife Bronte Schofield's life a living hell, and see the countless men who walked around the Love Island villa with their muscular chests swollen.
Many would say that this level of toxic behavior is unacceptable to be broadcast on TV and turned into entertainment. I would disagree – letting misogyny thrive unchecked on reality television is problematic, but not seeing it is even more problematic.
It's unfortunate that Tori has seemingly become a living example of what no bear in a man.
She shouldn't have casually dismissed his apparent misogyny as a minor character flaw rather than the incredibly dangerous worldview that it is.
But Tori herself said she is “in love” with Jack. That is never a healthy place to be.
When he finally lets her down – which I firmly believe he will – she will re-enter the world of reason. We've all seen people in situations like Tori's. And that's why it's so important to see it on the reality shows that supposedly reflect our lives.
I wonder if some of my friends had seen Jack on MAFS before, it might have armed them with protective shields against similar men who stole years of their lives, playing them like violins. Likewise, I wonder if these conversations might make men think twice about their own behavior.
This is why it's important not to hide toxic men in the shadows. They're still thriving in the real world, so waving their red flags in plain sight on TV is the only way forward.
Normalizing toxic behavior on television is a risk, but unfortunately it is the normality that women live in – and it should not be ignored.
Thanks to Jack, MAFS, and Tori, millions of women who watch the drama will walk away armed with knowledge about what toxic behavior looks like.
They will know how to avoid it before they get too deep – by packing their bags and going downstairs for a glazed ham.
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